That's when you crack a 10am beer
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
