you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my being single is dangerous.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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