When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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