Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
