I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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