I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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