My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
