If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
