You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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