billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
