cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
