if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
