we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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