I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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