You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Randomize
