Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sponge bath it is.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
