Plan B is the new Plan A
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
