my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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