all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
