she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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