i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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