In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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