remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
