So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize