The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
