We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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