Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
