Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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