My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
