She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
