Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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