dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
