god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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