An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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