Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You pole danced in your parka.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
