I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
