It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My liver is preforming stress tests.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
