I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
