we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
