I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
