This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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