Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize