I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
