Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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