I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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