Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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