its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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