Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
