i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
