Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
