I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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