I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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