i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
