I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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