i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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