do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
