we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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