forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
