Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
