I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
