waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
why do cheetos always look like penises
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
