This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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