It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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