I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
