no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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