In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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