how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
