let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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