Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
