That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
