Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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