it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
