you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
