I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I love you. Go after that dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
