You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
