Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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