Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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