Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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