Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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