Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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