Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
