what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
