that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
