He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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