mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
