He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
