$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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