census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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