whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
