so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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