"it" just moved
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you never un-have a 4some
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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