you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
