her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
