also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize