i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
