I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
