just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
