YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
