you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
