I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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