the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
