careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize