How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
