We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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