You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
