hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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