best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
