Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
