I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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