if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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