I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to calm my uterus...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
