You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish you could order shots online.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize