woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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