I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
